Are you familiar with Parkinson’s Law?
In the most basic of terms, its an adage that says that work will take up the space you give it. If you are working on a project and say that it will take you two hours to complete, even if you could do it faster, you will take the full two hours because you gave it that amount of time.
I am a believer that this also applies to our daily thoughts. If you give yourself the space to think about your to-do list or all the things you could have done differently in a day then you will come up with a list long enough to fill that space.
I am well aware of my abilities to overthink everything in my life. And my husband’s life. And the kids’ life, and so on. It’s a talent I have perfected over many years.
If you looked into my brain I am convinced you would see:
- An open Google Chrome browser with 352 tabs open
- A 1000 piece jigsaw piece spread out all over the place, possibly with a few of those pieces hiding
If I don’t close all the open tabs or fit all the puzzle pieces into place, I struggle to relax at the end of the night. Winding down is hard until the final piece clicks into place.
Sometimes it manifests in a short fuse at the end of the night. Other times it’s taking on random tasks at times I could be relaxing with a book or TV. Or restlessness when I should be asleep.
Not every female is wired this way. Not every mother is wired this way. But I definitely am and know plenty of other females who feel a level of mental anxiety. That’s Parkinson’s Law at work.
Coping Mechanisms
I use the word coping instead of managing because I know that my mom brain is just wired this way. Its not going to just change overnight. These habits are ingrained deep.
Here are some of the strategies I employ on a daily basis to keep the spaces small. These work for me and though they seem obvious, when I skip out on one piece, that’s when I jerk awake wondering if I should have bought a new mattress pad to go with the new sheets.
1. Make a list
It will come as no surprise that I am a list maker. My life is an organized series of post-it notes and calendar reminders.
No fancy planner or notebook needed to be efficient and organized. I often open a note in my phone or an empty email and create my list for the week or day. Smaller pieces work better so I’m more successful with a daily list.
Details might make the list longer but it keeps me more focused when I see the major to-dos for the day. I know I shouldn’t waste my time with anything else until that list has a serious dent in it.
2. Recap
Before I’m ready to shut things down for the night, I do a quick mental rundown of the things that were on my list. There might be things that didn’t get crossed off and that’s ok. I acknowledge those puzzle pieces, move them to the next day’s list and then close out the thought for the night.
3. Take Notes
Random thoughts pop into my head when I least expect them. Im always prepared to jot notes down either on paper, into the notes section on my phone, an email to myself or voice memos.
There is nothing worse than feeling like there was something you were supposed to remember… but you just can’t figure it out. When you tell yourself you will need to remember it later and then you just can’t quite put your finger on what it was.
Seriously, write it down. Just the act itself helps with recall.
A couple of things I do not do are focus on the hypothetical and things outside of my control.
Lying awake in bed at night circling through a list of ‘What If’ scenarios have no place in my daily activities. There was a time when those questions did occupy a lot of my thoughts.
It was stressful as a new mom to give any amount of energy to thoughts of doubt. I did what I did and that needed to be the end of the discussion. Not an easy process to navigate but the better I became at it, the less overwhelmed I felt.
Now as a more experienced mom with obligations of so many schedules, priorities and tasks those extras just don’t enter my mind at times of rest. Not the time or place.
His vs Hers
It used to bother me that my husband didn’t lie awake at night wondering if he did everything right that day or checked everything off his to-do list at work. I was jealous that he could sleep peacefully at night and my mind was racing with an endless stream.
Then I learned that he still thinks of those things. He has insecurities and doubts too. He just chooses not to dwell on them or give them any space when the day is done.
For him, this is a natural behavior. For me, it is a learned behavior.
Parkinson’s Law is a habit, the habit of losing control of your time or thoughts. Like any habit, it will take some practice to turn it from bad to good.
Do you consider yourself an overthinker? If so, what steps do you take to keep yourself in check?
