Below is taken directly from an email I once received from my daughter’s day care teacher. Word for word, no edits.
We were getting reading to lay down for nap today, and I was calling to her if she had been to the potty yet, and she wasn’t listening. I called her multiple times, and she turned around all aggravated with me and said that she had already been to the f-ing potty. At first I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly or not because she said it so quickly. She ran over to her cot and hid her face when I asked her what she said. She didn’t want to tell me what she said when I went over to talk to her. I asked her if she said a bad word and she nodded. She finally repeated the word, because I told her to tell me that bad word she used. We talked about how that is not something we say. I just wanted to let you know so that you can talk to her. Kids love to pick up on words we use from time to time and don’t mean for them to hear. None of the other kids really heard her though…she was pretty close to me at the time and it was very hectic in the room.
Two observations: 1) she used the word in the correct context and 2) she knew she did something wrong.
Parenting is about finding that balance between being proactive and reactive. You tell them not to say curse words and they then see how far they can go with it. Or you wait for it to happen and then they are amused by your freak out over it and repeat it. You pick your battles and go for the lesser of the two evils.
I am confident you aren’t teaching your little one how to curse appropriately, or at all for that matter. It’s the law of unintended consequences. Young kids are parrots. Mimics. Copy cats. Even when you try to curb any foul language, its bound to slip out and that’s when little ears perk up. I can’t get her to listen when I ask her to pick up a toy from the floor but you better believe she has supersonic hearing powers to pick up on words she shouldn’t say.
Unintentional Cursing
Try as we might to watch any inappropriate language with sensitive ears nearby, we have found a few spots where it just happens.
Road rage: yelling at bad drivers is a tough habit to break. If you do it often enough, its subconscious.
On the phone: Rehashing old times with an old friend is not meant for little ears. Little ears also cannot leave moms and dads alone when they are on the phone.
Watching sports: We love sports and hate to see our teams lose. [can also apply to politics if that’s more your thing]
Based on the phrases repeating you might find you are guilty in one or more of these situations too. If you catch her telling her friends to “move you jack@ss” that might be related to road rage. If she is playing a game and says “Just run the f*n ball” that could be a football game reference. Face palm, right?
She says it, now what?
I have a hard time punishing for an offense like this. She isn’t Ralphie. Clearly its my fault and she is just parroting. I went through this in my younger days so it’s not a surprise to me that she let one slip. You could be different story based on your environment but even if you are absolutely certain they wont hear a curse word at home, it may come from someone else they come in contact with. [Fingers crossed it’s not my kid] I have learned my reaction dictates how far she goes with it. So the word comes out and what do you do?
Don’t freak out. Its tough but don’t reacts in a way that leads her to believe the behavior makes her the center of attention. Laughing it off seems to be the worst reaction followed closely by asking them to repeat so you can be sure what you heard was correct.
Offer an alternative. If she does repeat words or expressions for reactions repeatedly, offer an alternative word that gets the same reaction. Something off the wall like “What the Monkey” instead of “What the f*” It still causes laughter and quickly puts the poor word choice out of her mind.
Context. If she is old enough to understand, talk about appropriate versus inappropriate context. If you have a questioner, as I do, she requires a more detailed explanation on why I can say certain words to my friends and she can’t use the same words. Exhausting but honest and helpful.
Set rules. If you haven’t approach the topic as part of your behavior expectations, now is the time. Determine how key of an issue language is to you and how you want to handle. Every house has different rules so set your own and define the consequences for violations.
Issues like foul language, swearing, cursing, cussing [insert your word of choice] are part of the growth process. Testing limits and independence, being curious, working out what they hear are all part of that. It proves to be another method for parents to damage their children. See exhibit A above, letter from pre-school teacher and know you aren’t alone when it happens to you.
