I challenge you to find something more heartwrenching than leaving a screaming child behind at daycare.
If you are already not looking forward to a full day of work, a crying and clinging child definitely isn’t going to make it any easier.
My girls were often all too happy to head into class and visit with friends and beloved teachers.
There were definitely days that had me questioning my role as a full-time working mother because it would be so stressful. And also days when I saw moms and dads attempting to motivate-slash-surfboard-carry screaming kids into the building.
The funny thing about this, looking back, is that those same kids were the ones begging to stay five extra minutes when parents came back for pick up at the end of the day. Not funny at all at the time but not untrue either.
If daycare or pre-school drop off is part of your morning routine you definitely need all the help you can get to keep your sanity. You have a long day ahead of you so these few tips might make all the difference.
Reassure
Separation anxiety is a legitimate emotion and one that requires your time and attention. Don’t ignore it, face it and talk it out together. Set expectations on what they have to look forward to and when you will be there to pick them up. The car rides each morning are a great time for some conversation.
Of course you know you will be back to pick them up but do they know that? They have no concept of time so break it down into manageable pieces.
Give them something to look forward to in terms they can understand: I will be back after nap time or when the little hand is on the five, I will be here.
Having a “go time routine” creates an element of the process they can learn and trust. Much like bedtime, a routine can make a big difference. The one hug, one kiss method is simple but you can also be creative based on your child’s interests or particular needs.
I always got down to their level and gave a cheek kiss and hug and said, “be good and I will see you after work.” Very simple but reassured they would see me later.
I’ve seen fist bumps, smiley faces drawn on hands and small stuffed animals tucked into cubbies before parents head out the door.
Distract
Do you ever just want to take your child to their classroom and then quickly slip out when they aren’t looking? This is nothing to feel ashamed of. Do it.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this approach.
Work with your child’s classroom teachers to make this a reality. Ask them to help with distractions so you can race out the door quickly and quietly. Do the “go time routine” and then get out.
Try getting a teacher to show her a new play space or activity in another area of the room away from the door. Have the teacher take her on a special trip to the office or to visit a neighboring class.
Lingering in the room can prolong the tantrum or emotional distress, rather than ease it. Teachers are prepared to work through these challenges so you have to trust their ability to manage any issues and get everyone moving on with their day.
Plus now you are late on top of stress about the drop-off disaster you just left behind.
Reward
Oh yes, sometimes a good old fashioned bribe can work wonders. I prefer to call it a negotiation. Is there a favorite lovey or security item that can travel in the car to and from daycare?
My daughter went through a phase where she had to have a certain collection of stuffed animals with her at all times. She knew she couldn’t take them into school so we struck a deal that she could buckle them into her car seat when she had to get out. No whining or arguing about it allowed. They would be right there for her to collect at the end of the day.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. A small snack to enjoy in the car, a sticker for each drama-free morning, or a special toy at the end of the week.
One of the most important things to remember during these difficult transitions is that you chose the best care possible for your child. Trust that the learning center or independent provider you choose to care for your child has their best interest in mind at all times. They are skilled caregivers.
Also take comfort in the fact that your child is not the first drop off meltdown, the worst child or even the last they will see. Because it’s a normal part of child development.
Work with the teachers and staff to create a system that will help ease any fears for you and your child.
I couldn’t decide what was worse: having a kid crying and begging me not to leave, or one that says bye and runs off to find friends before I even got in the door.
It’s nice to feel needed but also nice to see them learning to be independent little humans. That’s motherhood for you.
How do you prep for a successful daycare drop off with your kids? Share your best tips in the comments!
