Dear colleagues without kids,
By now you are used to me looking a bit frazzled on video calls. You have seen my eyes shift to the side, a look come on my face and my video abruptly turn off.
When I return, I might be a bit distracted.
You might think I don’t have it all together.
But thats where you are wrong.
I do have it all together. I have many things together right now. They just all happen to overlap.
Before I get on the call with you I have accomplished many things. I have fed my children breakfast, cleaned up messes, helped them with school work, broken up several arguments, attempted to get myself presentable (from the waist up), read emails, sent emails, met a deadline, and more.
If you are wondering why I can’t keep them away during my call, believe me, so am I.
There are minimal options for me to be alone right now. Children are not self-sufficient for any amount of time when they know I am in the vicinity. I’ve fed them, watered them, tried to push them outside, and handed them an iPad.
Why can’t I keep them quiet? See above.
They don’t care that I am working. Kids do not care if they are bothering me, thus they definitely do not care if they are bothering you.
Are you wondering if they do this all the time? That’s easy to answer. Yes. They do. Sometimes they are better but believe it or not, sometimes it’s even worse.
Am I going to apologize for my children’s behavior? Absolutely not.
We are all making the best of a situation we have minimal control over. My situation includes zoom-bombings or random video stoppages and even the occasional admission that I’m distracted and not really listening.
I am not bored. It’s never quiet. I don’t get to focus on work as much as I would like.
But I refuse to apologize to you for showing up from my home.
I will admit that at first, I let it get to me. I felt I had to show up virtually in the same way you see me when we connect in the office setting. When I am put together and focused.
It was stressful. And shameful if I’m being honest. I did not want to let you see me struggle. Because a struggle is what is happening in my house.
It’s a struggle every day to show up when there are so many other things I think I should be doing.
You can’t see this but my kids get to do fun things like color, watch movies, jump on a trampoline, and ride bikes when the weather is beautiful. I can’t fully give them my attention just like I can’t fully give my attention to you.
Why do you need to know all of this? I am sharing a look behind the zoom window because I definitely see you.
The video capability works both ways. You may not enjoy what you see or hear. But you don’t have to. You can just accept it as you accept me when we work together under everyday circumstances.
Know that I am doing the best I can to show up, be productive, and stay sane. The first two are easier than the third and that’s mom-life in a nutshell. Pandemic or no pandemic, kids do what they do when they want to do it despite a parent’s best intentions.
I’m a great mom and a reliable colleague making things happen. From home, with the kids hanging around waiting to be entertained.
Sincerely,
A work from home mom with children
