If you sleep while the baby sleeps: a spin-off of the classic line of stories from Laura Numeroff, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. An ode to the fourth trimester and new moms who are learning how to give themselves a break.
If you sleep while she sleeps
You will not get that shower
The laundry will sit
And the dishes will be put off for another hourIf you sleep while she sleeps
Meals will not be made
Emails will go unanswered
And your bills will wait to be paidThe dust bunnies might collect
And the table might be a mess
The vacuum will need to be run
There may not be time to dressBut if you sleep while she sleeps
No one will think less of you
Your brain will take a break
And your body will relax tooIf you sleep while she sleeps
All will still be there when you wake
Your partner will understand
These quiet moments are yours to take
Last week I had a photo pop up on my Facebook memories from 10 years ago. It was not a very flattering picture of me my husband took when we were visiting my parent’s house.
In the photo I have my weeks old baby perched on a pillow on my lap while I am sitting upright in a chair. We are both asleep.
First, look at this photo and I have to cringe. I mean honestly, it looks like I’m not even holding my baby because I am passed out sitting up! Second, clearly, my husband took this very unflattering photo of me and shared it on social media.
But I actually do remember some of the behind the scenes of this moment that he captured and shared.
I see a new, exhausted mom who had just struggled to get her month old baby to nurse. Away from home with the watchful eyes of a family all around. She was too tired to participate in whatever else was going on in the room.
I remember my mom telling me over and over to sleep when the baby sleeps. Still today, I hear moms hand out this advice to moms-to-be.
Although I doubt this was exactly what she had in mind, looking at this makes me realize how terrible I was at that with both of my girls.
I mean, terrible as in I never did it intentionally. Or didn’t think I could. This photo is proof that it sometimes happened but it was always an accident. A happening out of pure exhaustion.
The New Mom Logic
Sleep when the baby sleeps just never made sense to me. There were always so many questions swirling inside my head.
If not when the baby sleeps, when will I have time to do all of the things?
The hundred things that I can’t get done while trying to keep a tiny human alive. Simple things like taking a shower and the not so simple things like making dinner for the rest of the family.
Life as a new mom is like having a hundred tabs open in your internet browser. So many things pulling at your attention at one time that it gets overwhelming.
The feelings of not knowing it all are easily compounded by not having the time to do it all. When the baby sleeps, the to-do list is looming large.
The Fourth Trimester
Facebook showed me a photo that is a decade old. A decade into this parenting journey and I can just now see a clearer picture of life behind that photo.
I did not understand the concept of a fourth trimester at all. Rest when the baby rests is a common mantra because a mom’s body and mind need rest.
What I couldn’t see then as a new mom, I did better with as a second-time mom. I placed more value on the little things like couch naps and the big things like asking for some help from my spouse.
I held her more tightly instead of always trying to put the baby down to go get other things done. I rested with her or close by when she napped because I no longer believed holding her would “create bad habits.”
This is a big one but I was not afraid to ask for some help. Help from my spouse, my other child, or another adult when it was needed.
There is no way to predict how you will handle life as a new mom. Try as you might, there just are few guarantees along the journey that is pregnancy and parenthood.
One thing I can guarantee though is that if you sleep while she sleeps, everything will be as it was when you wake up.
You might think that’s a bad thing if you are easily overwhelmed by a to-do list or expectations to have all the things done by a certain timeline.
But the truth is, its not a bad thing.
Maternity leave is no vacation. But it is recovery time. Give yourself a break.
The mind, as well as the body, will thank you for the rest. Even if you expect a two-hour nap and only get ten minutes.
